“Why can’t I let go? Why do I still miss him & yearn for his touch?”
Many victims of narcissistic abuse mention how hard it is to quell their cravings for the narcissist. I want to explain the neurochemistry in a very elementary manner. The narcissist created a dependency, just as a drug dealer does with a new user. The idealization stage is the best high of your life & is the high you keep chasing. Dopamine & oxytocin surge as you bond intensely & are overcome with happiness & a sense of belonging.
When they begin devaluing you, your brain starts on a rollercoaster ride of rising & falling neurochemicals, which actually strengthens the bond. They “dose” you as needed to promote the addiction, particularly if you begin to withdraw or confront their behavior. By the time of the discard, you’re in full blown addiction & begging for a hit.The imbalance of your brain chemistry creates a physical craving for their “drug,” and your thoughts begin to spin. Your rational mind is overwhelmed with pain, mixed signals, dependency…and then numbness sets in. The only cure for your addiction is the one thing you’ll resist believing: you must have NO CONTACT with them.