VOCABULARY

CEREBRAL NARCISSIST– Uses their intellect & powerful vocabulary to impress then destroy their victims; thinks they’re the smartest one in the room.

CLUSTER B– Group of personality disorders including: Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)

COGNITIVE DISSONANCE– The mind’s attempt to reconcile two different versions of reality

COVERT NARCISSIST– Also called “Vulnerable Narcissist,” they appear as humble, shy, sweet & gentle, unlike the boisterous OVERT NARCISSIST. They are often more difficult to identify.

DEVALUE & DISCARD– The systematic breaking down of the victim by providing & withdrawing affection, praising & humiliating, and ultimately abandoning them.

DOSING– The calculated dispensing of attention & affection to the victim as the narcissist deems necessary to retain control. Also known as intermittent reinforcement.

DSM-V– Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition

FAN CLUB– The group of friends, family, exes and other potential sources of supply that support & regale the narcissist with attention, money, sex & other needs. Also called THE FOLLOWING & FLYING MONKEYS.

FLYING MONKEYS– See FAN CLUB. This is part of the fan club who knowingly participate in victim shaming & act as PROXY RECRUITS. Name taken from the flying monkeys who did the witch’s bidding in The Wizard of Oz.

GASLIGHTING– A form of ambient, psychological abuse in which the narcissist manipulates the victim, causing extreme anxiety & confusion to the point that the victim cannot trust their own judgment.

GRAY ROCK– a) A method used to escape the abuser by “boring” them into complete disinterest. Examples: monotone, unemotional responses; not wearing makeup or dressing nicely; not arguing or giving any unnecessary attention. b) Also called MODIFIED CONTACT, this method is used for those who must have contact due to coparenting, working together, etc. See MODIFIED CONTACT for details.

GROOMING– The narcissist uses measured attention, compliments, flattery, affection & physical contact to entice the new target without frightening them away. A similar technique is used by pedophiles.

HOOVERING– After discarding the victim, the narcissist reenters the victim’s life & attempts to draw them back in. Often times, this happens when the victim has moved on, started seeing someone new, or generally seems to be happy.

IDEALIZATION– The narcissist overwhelms the target with adoration, compliments, promises & declarations. This will come in the form of numerous text messages, Facebook or social media posts about their new love, flaunting them about town. Targets are told, “You are my soulmate, the only one who understands me, the love of my life,” etc.

LOVEBOMBING– See IDEALIZATION

MIRRORING– A technique used by the narcissist to put the target at ease & win them over. They study the target extensively, then claim to have similar interests, dreams, fears, moral tenets, etc.

NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY- This is any person who provides the narcissist with something, including money, sex, attention, business contacts, status, etc. A person with nothing to offer them is simply not needed in their life.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE– The indirect expression of hostility & avoidance of direct confrontation through procrastination, sulking, chronic forgetting, self-pity and ambiguity.

PROJECTION– The narcissist projects or redirects their misdeeds onto someone else, often the person accusing them. 

PROXY RECRUITMENT– The narcissist will use a third party (usually a FLYING MONKEY) to inflict angst or pain upon the victim, thereby keeping their own hands clean.

PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & cPSTD (ComplexPTSD) can develop after prolonged exposure to psychological abuse. Symptoms may include elevated heart rate, anxiety & agitation, racing thoughts, insomnia & inability to concentrate. 

SILENT TREATMENT- The narcissist ceases to speak to the target & may disappear for hours, days or weeks. They use this technique to punish the victim while simultaneously creating free time to develop new supplies.

SMEAR CAMPAIGN– The narcissist spreads vicious lies about the victim to friends, family, acquaintances, coworkers, etc. The smear campaign can begin insidiously before the discard phase, intending to establish a motive for the narcissist to abandon the target. Frequent lies include that the victim is crazy, bitter, jealous, bipolar, cruel, alcoholic & drug addict.

TRIANGULATION– The narcissist uses a third party to create a jealous tension. The victim will find themselves disliking people they’ve never met.

WORD SALAD– Circular or rambling conversations in which no useful information gleaned nor solution reached. Narcissists enjoy wearing down their victims with these exhausting exchanges.

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