19 Comments

  1. Marie
    October 13, 2016 @ 2:33 pm

    I broke the no contact rule. It had been 8 weeks. He filled me in on his sexual escapades and told me he’s avoiding me because he’s trying to rekindle a relationship with his ex. It hurts so much, even knowing he’s telling me these things intentionally. But then he tells me I’m going to be okay and to date and move on? I’m so confused.

    Reply

    • narcissist.sociopath.awareness@gmail.com
      October 14, 2016 @ 1:25 pm

      Abusers enjoy returning to the scene of the crime to inflict additional pain. In order to heal from this damaging relationship, you should block him from further contact. Allowing him to reach back into your life will only end badly for you. You are confused because he wants you that way; you are confused because you are applying your belief system to someone who thinks nothing like you. Take back control of your life with no contact.

      Reply

  2. Carrie
    October 15, 2016 @ 4:59 pm

    This is the hardest thing ive ever experienced. I know he is nothing but a liar but i keep falling back into responding. I am so angry i just cant stop myself. I had no idea there were people like this in the world! Blows my mind!

    Reply

    • narcissist.sociopath.awareness@gmail.com
      October 17, 2016 @ 11:41 pm

      The single most important thing that you can do to recover is to create space between you & the abuser. No contact is vital for you to heal from the pain inflicted upon you. Blocking them is vastly easier than “not responding.” Try it and you will see how liberating it is to not have the anxiety of a possible text or call from them.

      Reply

      • Magdalena
        October 20, 2016 @ 3:40 pm

        Wow, I am amazed at how accurate your statements were as though you had gone through my phone! I never knew that I was a survivor of a narcissist until I discovered it on instab up until then I just thought he was unusally cruel and hated me for all the hurt “I caused” him. The hardest thing has been to over come this pain on my own.

        Reply

  3. Melissa
    October 19, 2016 @ 5:52 pm

    This is the hardest thing for me, we’d go for days not speaking and then something sets me off and I am almost positive he was cheating on me and ended the relationship. He acts like he’s done nothing wrong, and that he’s the victim and that I have no right to feel the way I do. When does it get easier? I have my good days and my bad days I just want him to hear me out but he won’t. He refuses to face me. I just want to get healthy and to stay the hell away from him.

    Reply

    • narcissist.sociopath.awareness@gmail.com
      October 20, 2016 @ 9:52 am

      It starts getting easier when you block him from your life. Any contact, even indirect, will be detrimental to your recovery.

      Reply

    • Will
      December 20, 2016 @ 4:07 pm

      Melissa,
      Do you work with him? That could make it worse but try to get your boss to put a barrier between you or something. If he ended the relationship why won’t he hear you?

      Reply

  4. Faith
    October 22, 2016 @ 1:10 pm

    I cant apply no contact we live abroad n share 3 kids .. he lives at his work place so when he wants to see the kids he stays from a day up to 2 or 3 days .. a lot of time kids cry n beg i go out with them … i started recently to understand what he had been doing for the last 19 years .. we got divorced only 2 years ago but a destructive painful divorce i suffered worst days my life specially i am MS patient..every word on this page applys to him ..

    Reply

    • narcissist.sociopath.awareness@gmail.com
      October 22, 2016 @ 5:56 pm

      That sounds like a very difficult situation. I hope that you will return to a place where you have the support of family & friends.For now, please continue to find support amid fellow survivors.

      Reply

      • Catherine
        November 16, 2016 @ 6:18 pm

        But what if you have children ? My ex recently said he would allow my son to speak with me when I came round from my operation ( ‘my son was worrried and he’s only 5) he wouldn’t answer my email or phones calls or my partners text to say I was getting anxious to talk to my son. Worst of all my son saw the calls coming in and him cancelling them ( he’s able to read now ) we recently got Cian a phone to Skype me when he’s at contact and he’s not allowed to use it and it was switched off .. my ex is in another relationship now so I can not understand why he carries on … I’m at my wits end , today on legal advice I wrote a letter to them both ( to keep costs down ) only to be accused of harassment … I’ve had 4 years of this now , court cases , him having supervised contact for a time due to his behaviour in another relationship and not following court rules ,but I dare not stick to what he wants and he’s on to the police or the courts

        Reply

        • narcissist.sociopath.awareness@gmail.com
          November 20, 2016 @ 6:34 pm

          Coparenting with a narcissist or sociopath is a special kind of hell. You must always follow court ordered visitations while protecting your child. Use the “detached contact” or “modified contact” method, in which you minimize all contact. Written communication (email) is preferable and is less intrusive than other means of communication. If necessary, ask the court to require contact through a monitored service such as The Family Wizard. Minimize contact during exchanges by using third parties and keep all contact strictly business. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

          Reply

  5. Jenny
    November 28, 2016 @ 3:09 am

    I’m in the same situation with my ex. We have a nine month old daughter and he puts on this show like he’s the most loving and caring father, but then is fine going a month here and there without seeing her, only to turn it around and blame me for him not coming around saying I’m crazy and money hungry when I asked for child support. I’ve asked him for us to go through our mothers when we need to drop off or pick up baby, but he says it’s not possible. I can’t have him in my life like that. He’s forcing me to communicate with him and I can’t, it’s for my own well -being. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel the only thing to do is move hours away.

    Reply

    • narcissist.sociopath.awareness@gmail.com
      November 28, 2016 @ 11:31 pm

      Moving to gain distance between you & a toxic ex is always a good idea. If you have support elsewhere & the courts will allow it, a move would be good for your mental health.

      Reply

  6. Maxxine
    December 25, 2016 @ 6:24 pm

    Its been 6 weeks. My patholigical lying narcissist man-child soon to be ex husband snuck out in the middle of the night without saying a word. We were living in Fl our entire marriage but had to moved up north to my parents after he QUIT his great job. I have been sick for the past 6 years. I had worked up until a year ago, but my illnesses became too debilitating to continue, I needed to concentrate on getting well again, it was a JOINT decision for me to file for disability. So he had to actually take care of us, financially. I still cleaned, cooked, took care of home. I ALWAYS worked, I ALWAYS made considerable more $$$ than him but I NEVER mentioned it, it was OUR $$$, all in one pot. So the ONE time he had to be the bread winner and head of house, he quits and leaves us with NO health insurance, evicted, penniless and to had to move in w/my parents. Thru out our marriage (9years, together for 10), his mother had been a HUGE issue, she is the Queen Narcissist and ALWAYS was trying to wedge herself between us, she did the same to my sister-in-law n his brother. She would call him CONSTANTLY and he would ALWAYS answer, during dinner, before bed, during an important conversation etc. We did go to a counselor and the counsler told him, you are married to THIS woman, NOT your mother and he needed to create boundaries with her for the health of our marriage. He did, for a quick minute, but then it was back to the same. After about 3 years of trying everything, my doctors gave me pain medication for the chronic pain of my conditions. I only took when I REALLY needed to, I still worked, went to the gym, continued on as ‘normal’, but as time went on, I would go to take my medication and the bottle was short….he stole my meds! When I confronted him, he would lie and tell me the pharmacy must have shorted me, but then later admit he did it, and I would get a half-assed apology and a promise to never do it again, but it happened over and over and over! Usually it was afew, but one time the dr gave me a qty of 120 because I told the dr., I couldn’t keep coming bk every month, my boss would get pissy w/me if I had to leave early to go to a dr appt. I hid the meds, not using them for awhile, but when I needed them, I went to my ‘hiding spot’ and there were 40 missing!!! 40!!! U know the rest, lying, fighting, admitting. I should have left him then! I wish I did. Fast forward, when he quit his job he claimed his boss was horrible to him, harassing him to the point of anxiety. I was a fool and believed him. He always played the victim well, just like his Mommy. We had talked about moving to my parents and he always said ‘NO WAY’, but suddenly, it was his idea to go there. We packed up, got a storage space for whatever didn’t fit in the car and took a leasurly week to drive north. It was like a honeymoon, he was amazing, like he was in the beginning. He told me once we got on our feet we would fly back down, rent a u haul and drive back w/OUR things left in storage. Once at my parents (who treated him like a son), he became a miserable bastard but only to me. There were TONS of jobs for him, starting at $75k, more than he ever made, I applied FOR him, to ‘help him’. He had NO intention of getting a job. He planned his departure long before we ever left Fl! So after 3 weeks of him fighting with me, completely ignoring me and just treating me terribly, he left. After the initial shock, I tried calling him, texting etc and he won’t talk to me & barely answers my texts. At first I wanted to know why, but then it became apparent that he was a patholigical liar and narcissist, just like Mommy. I was still in contact w/my sister-in-law, who told me over the past year he would stop to see his brother, and was laying the ground work for his ‘escape’! For a year, he was telling awful, terrible lies about me to his family and friends. That he had no idea what my health issues were, (he had been to almost ALL my drs. appts.) He knew EXACTLY,what was wrong! And he told them I was a drug addict and abusive TO HIM!!! And of coarse, HIS family & friends believed him! My sister-in-law believed me, BUT was SO afraid of upsetting the very delicate balance in her own egg shell walking marriage that she wouldn’t say anything to defend me, despite knowing the truth. Now that you have some ideal of the hell is story, what do you do if you have a storage space, he put in his name, and know he hasn’t paid it, but your whole past 10 years is in it, and you have common bills to pay and he won’t send you any money to help. I txt him trying to remain on one topic, dud you pay the storage and when ate you sending money. He’s using a cell phone that I AM PAYING FOR, the account is in my name and under contact til 2/28/17. I KNOW he worked for his brother and got paid, my sister-in-law told me. When I texted that I know he got paid he immediately called his brother who in turn told my sister-in-law that she is ‘NOT ALLOWED’ to be in contact with me anymore! And she, being so afraid of her own screwed up situation called me to tell me! So currently, he is unemployed, living with and off of his Mommy, has a car at his disposal, she gives him $$$ to play around with and he’s smoking pot and popping pills and is seen as the victim in this whole thing! Please note, he is 47 yrs old!! He will never file for divorce it’s going to be up to me to do so again so he can remain the victim. How do you get past this? I don’t want to screw up my credit by not paying the bills and I want my things that I worked hard for from the storage space that I don’t even know if he’s paying for! He acts as if just because he left that we’re divorced or that I never really existed. I have tried really hard to go ‘no contact’, but when I get bills in the mail or on my phone it makes me crazy! He had the nerve to run up extra data on his cell phone which cost me money! I had to beg and plead with the cell company to remove the extra charges after explaining my situation and then and only then did I find out that I can limit his usage but I cannot break the contract without spending even more money, that I DO NOT have! And to top off the entire situation, I had to go on government insurance and I am not getting the care that I need for my health issues and with all the stress and aggravation they have become SO much worse and he could care less! He has made me out to be the villain when in actuality IT’S ALL HIM!! Why couldn’t he just tell me that he wasn’t happy and we could have parted ways! Why set up such a huge lie over the course of a year! Why waste all that time! I just don’t understand and I have come to the realization that I probably never will because my brain thinks rationally and he thinks from a pathological lying narcissistic point of view. But I am so incredibly hurt I gave everything of myself to him and I don’t even know who he really was after 10 years! I really am disgusted to think that I wasted 10 years of my life I didn’t have children and I wanted them desperately and now I don’t know if I can physically. He took that away from me and now I can’t even get an explanation! He is going and doing and moving on with his life like I never existed and I am stuck in memories that I treasured but we’re they ever real?! There is even more to the situation way more than I could even ever post but as I look back I see things that I should have red flagged but I didn’t because I really truly loved him but who did I love? Is the person he is today the real person that he is and he just used me, my ability to make money, my kind heart, my love for him to get what he needed at that moment? Again, how do you move forward, I haven’t even filed for the divorce yet! And I know that will be hell. I am incredibly limited financially but he has his mommy to finance his divorce lawyer! He thinks because he is unemployed that he won’t have to pay me spousal support! And he laughs about it! Little does he know that I did find out once the judge hears the whole story how he quit his job and left his sick wife in the way that he did they will make him get a job or he will go to jail. They give a certain amount of time for him to gain employment and once that time runs out they will pick him up and put him in jail for 10 days. I just can’t believe that this is what it has come to! I can’t believe that this is my life! I love him with all my heart and I trusted him with every fiber in my being, how could I have been so stupid?! I am not a stupid woman! When working I was very successful and worked my way up the corporate ladder to a Director position in a booming industry! How could I let this happen?! I feel like a shell of my former self with tied hands. I know I am the only one who can make myself go forward and put this behind me, it’s getting to that place that makes me sick to even think about. I have lost 16 lbs in 6 weeks, if I wasn’t so ill I would be happy, my body looks great! The Divorce Diet is real!! Lol Yes, thank God, sometimes, I still have my sense of humor! HUGE HUGS N KISSES to anyone going thru anything like this!

    Reply

  7. Meredith
    June 6, 2017 @ 12:06 pm

    Thank you so much for this. I blocked him from everything and he got a new email address to send me an email. Unfortunately I read it and replied, and in a matter of exchanges was agreeing to see him. It’s like you posted my email exchange with him. He literally said everything the way you just stated the exchange would happen. He then asked if we could start new. That he couldn’t “do his life without me” and that he felt like slitting his wrists if I continued to not see him or talk to him. That he misses his “angel” that he loves more than anything in the world. When I told him to stop he immediately went into .. remember the time when we did such and such and as I continued to ask him to stop he would interrupt me and say things like I love you and I miss us. Thank you again for posting this. It helps me to really see him for who he is, not who he claims to be.

    Reply

  8. Lydia
    July 2, 2017 @ 3:58 am

    I’m on day 3 of no contact from a 8 year relationship with a liar and manipulator. I did all the blocking but it so hard my mind is wondering all over with different thing my x can be doing and thinking. The relationship was so unhealthy I just wanted to stop feeling crazy about the lies so I left. I started the no contact but my mind want to know if they even care. I hate this and I’m struggling.

    Reply

    • narcissist.sociopath.awareness@gmail.com
      July 16, 2017 @ 6:03 pm

      The first few weeks of no contact can be very difficult. These people take up so much of our time & energy, so when they’re gone, we have an abundance of time to think. Unfortunately, this is exactly when we wish we could be distracted. Pushing through this stage will yield rewards, as it gets exponentially easier & easier. Let me know if you are interested in one on one support.

      Reply

      • Sarah
        October 25, 2017 @ 7:00 am

        It doesnt get any easier. Its just a way for the narcissist to abuse his victim with the silent treatment after robbing them and physically abusing them

        Reply

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