This article, penned by a guest writer, breaks down the narcopath’s Script, and details part two of four: Setting the Hook or The Seduction. The author’s purpose for writing the Script is to bring awareness to a certain subset of the population that is dangerous to our mental & physical health. These relationships always end & they end badly.
In the first section of the Script, we talked about the manipulative behavior that goes into throwing our the line to find the “new supply” for the narcopath. Their insatiable need for supply ensures their ability to trawl for decades. One of their calling cards is their ability to charm people quickly and try to set the hook before the new partner begins to realize the many inconsistencies of their stories. The focus in this stage is generally on you.
Narcissistic sociopaths are among the most charming people who inhabit the earth…until they are not. During the seduction stage, they will want to meet your coworkers, friends and family, and they will be willing to accommodate you in any way necessary. At this point, your brain is in “love endorphin” mode and you will feel invincible. You have bought into the charm and have been drawn into their web of deceit.
You will start to believe that this person meets all of your criteria for a perfect mate, and having ignored all of the red flags, you will enter into a relationship with a broken human being that you believe is your soulmate. The narcopath lovebombed you while throwing out the line, and now you have been caught.
This moment in time will haunt you in the future. You will have known this person for a short time and even witnessed several inconsistencies. There will be a defining moment in which you decide to be in a relationship with this person. Perhaps they brought you soup when you were sick or took flowers to your mother in the hospital. There will be a defining point in which your brain clicks over from “dating” to “in a relationship.”
Let’s take a moment to do a forgiveness exercise because this moment is such a trigger for many of us:
“I forgive myself for having a soft heart, for trusting someone who was not worthy of trust. I forgive myself for choosing to subject myself (and my children) to what will come. Had I known better, I would have protected myself better. I am now committed to my mental, physical & spiritual health.”
Once the relationship is established, you may hear some of the following lines from the Script:
- I changed my status to “in a relationship” on social media.
- I only want to be with you. (Please know that they are most likely seeing multiple people at this point.)
- I need to warn you about my crazy ex who calls me constantly. They are very jealous that I am now with you.
- I want everyone to know that we are a couple. I am so proud to be with you.
- Let’s plan a trip, etc. months or years into the future. (This insures that you have bought into the relationship and also invokes a sense of stability.)
- All I can think about is you. All I want to do is spend time with you.
- I love those jeans on you. I can’t wait to get you out of them.
- I think of you whenever I hear this song.
This time is all about seducing you and drawing you into a full on relationship. At this point, you are completely love struck and will overlook anything negative about this person. You are captivated by their attention and complete devotion. This time in the relationship is almost mystical, but it is not real. Later, when you are being devalued, your mind will return to this time in the relationship. You’ll search for answers about how someone who loved you this much could simply walk away without a care.
Please remember: the person that you love is NOT a real person. That person is just mirroring back to you the best parts of yourself. Incapable of real love, they mirror back your wants, needs and behaviors, and you believe that this is the real person. However, it is not. They are cold, calculating people without the ability to love.
This time is a reward for a job well done. They set the hook, have you on the line, and soon you will be reeled in. Once you begin a relationship with a narcopath, your honeymoon period will end, and you will slowly but surely begin to see the real person you’re involved with. Once the mask is off, the discard phase will begin.