“THE HOOK: They are quite the charmers. They know all the right words to say & gain your trust quickly. Often this is done by sharing a personal, gut wrenching story of their past. They will be almost obsessed with you & talk about the future with high hopes for you two. They will tell you they’ve never felt like this before. They will flatter you, overly so, & in such a fashion that they make you feel like they’re running out of time & each second must be spent with you. Their smile radiates warmth & their eyes twinkle at the sight of you. And just when you can’t seem to help but also smile from ear to ear & waiting to hear from them, you realize you’re hooked.
DEVALUE: Once they feel confident that they’ve secured you, the facade comes off, and they begin to show their true colors. The narcissist’s admiration can end as quickly & intensely as it began. They are now aloof & cold, inattentive & indifferent. This is because they become bored easily, and the emotional void they fed off of in the initial stage begins to wear off. They are now wondering if you can give them what they need, if you’re worthy, if you’re special. Certainly, you must not be since they no longer feel the high they initially felt.
They disappear & dismiss your feelings while you’re left wondering what you did wrong. An on/off cycle ensues, as they deliberately mess with your head. If you point out any of their wrongdoings, you’ll be met with resistance & criticism. A narcissist will not any blame. They will begin to undermine you, while putting themselves on a pedestal, speaking highly of themselves. Their self worth is completely dependent on others’ admiration. Once you take that away from them, once you abandon them, they no longer have any need for you.
DISCARD: At this point, you’re no longer of any value to the narcissist, typically made known with demeaning behavior, such as humiliating you in public, leaving you for another lover and/or blatantly ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment.This is intended to hurt & traumatize their victim, ensuring a lack of closure. If you’re the one leaving them, some will stalk you or spread vicious rumors about you to show they still have control & power over you. However, those who discard their victims feel like they reserve the right to come back any time they please. They act like the charming person that first lured you in. This is a tactic to again gain your trust, make you believe they’re remorseful, only to use you as a supply once again. They revel in the fact that you were so devastated, hurt & confused. It is crucial to understand that the narcissist groomed you to feel this way. It gives them a sense of power, and there is nothing you could have done differently. From the moment they lure you with the death stare to the discard phase, it is predestined how it would end. You were only a victim & the only way to move on is to go no contact.”
Article written by Britta @miss.conduit and originally posted on Instagram 2015.