One of the most painful & jarring aspects of a pathological relationship is the cold & calculated discard. After everything that you’ve invested in the relationship, you are ultimately tossed out like a broken appliance. Your head will be spinning trying to reconcile their words with their actions, as their story changes dynamically:
They love you, but they can’t be with you.
They want to marry you, but it’s just not working out.
They only want you, but you suspect there’s someone new.
They say it’s over, but you don’t understand why.
This paradoxical nonsense creates in us a cognitive dissonance as we begin spinning, grasping at little truths scattered among the lies. Unfortunately, they tend to catch you off guard & wholly unprepared for this horrific fate, and this is by design. The more rattled or distraught you become, the more control they maintain. In order to further enhance this effect, they’ll time the break up with your job loss, serious illness, death in your family, pregnancy or other life change. Still spinning, you won’t know where to focus your attention.
You were excited about the pregnancy because you thought you were with someone whom you loved.
You thought you could get through chemotherapy, because you had this supportive person caring for you.
You lost your job & income, but together, you could get by.
This timing of the discard is a classic move for a con artist. It’s the “don’t look here, look there!” trick. And they use this trick because it works.
As banal as their “reasons” are for dumping you, they may deliver this message to you with smug pity. Because they no longer need you, they find you pathetic, inferior & contemptible. Yes, this is the same person who called you their soulmate days earlier, but now they’re done. They may have cruelly kept you hanging on the line, taunting you as they secured their next target & planted the seeds of the smear campaign. The latter is an integral step, particularly if they plan to flaunt the new target as your replacement. Their fan club, mutual friends, family, etc. must believe that they left you for good reason: you’re crazy, jealous, drug & alcohol addicted, philandering, gold-digging and worse. They’ll say they “tried to get you help” because they’re “extremely concerned” about your recent behavior. These claims will be strategically dropped for maximum effect, as they assemble their fans for support, triangulating even strangers against you. Meanwhile, you’ll be none the wiser, carrying on with your day to day life, as the man of your dreams defames you more & more each day. Only after the discard will you notice that there’s no one there to comfort you. Sides have already been chosen in a game you didn’t even know you were playing.